Tag Archives: wedding party

He’s My Man (of Honor)

The person standing next to you at the altar (aside from your fiancé) is meant to be the one who is closest, knows you best and whose friendship is most cherished above all others. No rule says it must be a woman and, while often expected by guests, if that person for you is a male, there’s nothing wrong with him taking on the role. However, typically, his duties will differ in some ways than that of a Maid of Honor.

While he likely won’t be at your floral appointments or help you pick out table runners, your Man of Honor can still help you decorate and his handyman skills may be an added bonus. While he may not share the enthusiasm a girlfriend would for every little detail, he certainly will provide the listening ear and offer assistance which is the most important part of anyone in the coveted position.

Additionally, gender is no issue when it comes to rehearsal roles. Man or woman, the duties are primarily to provide you with a practice bouquet, make sure everyone shows up on time, is paying attention and to give a toast (if appropriate).

The day of is where things typically get a little bit different. Because he won’t be cinching your corset or pinning on your veil doesn’t mean he has to be excluded from the festivities. Put him in charge of grabbing anything for emergencies that may arise and getting food and drinks that he can enjoy with you and the ladies as you all relax and prepare.

Ideally, your Man of Honor will wear something that matches your bridesmaids but, keep in mind that he will probably be in some photos with just the guys too. Electing for something that meets in the middle is the safest and best way to go.

No matter who you choose to stand directly next to you during your ceremony, the selection should be based upon your history, trust and value rather than be constrained by gender or the expectations of what is considered “normal” or “acceptable.”

Let’s be ReaLISTic

Creating your guest list is no different from many other projects as you will start with a monumental idea only to realize the need for a more practical outcome. Whether you are planning a small, intimate ceremony or one to which you invite hundreds, there are some that should NEVER be included and others whom there is no obligation to extend an invitation to.  Here are just a few of those….

Certainly, there are people you see often and seemingly know every detail of your life, whether your manicurist, co-worker, boss etc. Therefore, you have had conversations about your upcoming marriage and perhaps each aspect of the planning process. However, neither that knowledge nor the amount of time spent together necessitate an invite.

There is no need to include all members of your family as, most likely, you have relatives with whom you don’t keep in contact with unless via holiday cards or see every few years if you happen to pass through their town or attend a family reunion. A great way to include them in your celebration (while alleviating feelings of guilt) is to send them an announcement along with a photo and personalized note.

It goes without saying that you exes belong in the “should NEVER be invited” category even if you have been apart for years and remain friends. Perhaps he/they has moved on as well but there is no assurance that seemingly long gone emotions won’t be stirred up. However, you can likely guarantee that his/their attendance would create an uncomfortable situation for your fiancé.

Plus ones are often expected to be included as some feel more comfortable attending an event which is a celebration of love, happiness and unity with their significant other rather than going alone. Of course, you should encourage your close family and friends to bring a guest. However, if you are not including certain relatives or others with whom you spend much of your time, there is no requirement to surround yourself with people you have never met.

Friends from high school with whom you only exchange occasional hellos with on social media, neighbors and friends of friends also fall into the “should NEVER be invited” category as you would not expect them to attend, mind if they didn’t or notice if they did. Also, it may seem as if their inclusion is merely an attempt to get more gifts as many do feel obliged to respond to an invitation in such a manner.

Chances are that you have heard all about weddings that you were not invited to and probably didn’t even give a second of thought to it. It is your day to be surrounded by those who mean the most to you. Including many who are either strangers or acquaintances casts a shadow over the value of ones you hold nearest and dearest.

Join My Party???

When choosing who to include in your bridal party, issues must be considered other than who is closest to you or who you feel obliged to ask.  The position entails more than simply standing by your side at the altar and may be more than some are willing to/can take on.

There is a cost that comes along with the duty. While you select the dresses, shoes and accessories, it is typically expected they purchase them on their own. Additionally, each commonly split the charges for the bachelorette party and bridal shower. As much as some may love to fill the position, it is just not feasible for them and you should not be offended by that.

Time and availability must be contemplated too. Most arrangements can be made via email or phone but some should be done in person to ensure everything is just as you want. However, it is not inappropriate to include someone who is unable to participate in every activity (depending their significance) without offending those who can.

Because someone accepts an invitation from a mutual friend yet declines yours is not indicative of importance or lack thereof. Circumstances change, other obligations have arisen and so on. They should still be invited as a guest though.

No wedding is going to go off flawlessly and there will undoubtedly be disappointments. They should not be taken personally nor create a cloud over what should be the shiniest day of your life.

I’d Like to Place an Order


When it comes to your bridal party, you may not give much thought to who stands where although there can easily be insinuations made by those you have chosen to include which can either be flattering or hurtful. It goes without saying that your matron of honor is traditionally your sister (if you have one) or best friend. That should not be offensive to anyone.

However, there are many ways to select an order for the remaining participants and the following are just a few ideas. While it can be potentially construed as hurtful, you can assign positions based on the nature of your relationship. It should not be lost on anyone you ask to stand next to you that they hold a special place in your heart and mean a great deal or else they wouldn’t be there.

One idea is that those who are closest to you (while each one is) stands nearest. That may be based on the number of years you have known them, the nature of your relationship or many other factors. Another option is to create an alignment in congruence with age.

It is completely appropriate to delegate who stands where based upon maturity. If you choose to do so, there will be no hard feelings as it would be difficult to find fault with any bride with that preference. If photos are one of the most important elements to you, a great way to appoint positions is height based in descending order so as to maximize the pleasance of each picture while keeping the focus on you and your husband.

The list goes on in reference as to how to determine who will stand where. It is yet another thing that brides don’t typically think requires any sort of consideration but, in actuality, does. Your decision is your own and is made because of your own personal reasons which are of the utmost importance.

Stand By Me

As society changes and modernizes, what is and isn’t acceptable does as well, weddings and just about every detail that goes into them being no exception. It has become appropriate to wear virtually any color that suits your fancy, opt for tennis shoes or cowboy boots instead of heels or even have your dog act as your ring bearer. Something else that has become admissible is choosing a man of honor in lieu of a matron of honor. If you make that decision, there are some things that you should give some thought to and here are just a few….

It is imperative that you discuss making that selection prior to doing so to ensure that your fiancé is okay with the idea, doesn’t feel disrespected or caught off guard. You also don’t want him to get the sense that the attention is taken away either from how wedding parties usually appear or by distracting or offending your guests by having a man at your side.

It goes without saying that donning a dress is not an option but a connection with your side of the party is paramount so as not to appear as if he is just standing in the wrong place. He should wear the same suit as the groomsmen. However, if they have ties on, his should differ by matching the color of your bridesmaids’ dresses and if boutonnieres are selected instead, his should coordinate with your bouquet in a different way than that of the others. In the event that neither are incorporated, a shirt in a matching shade to your bridesmaids is appropriate.

Your man of honor (also referred to as a male attendant) often takes on the duties that a maid of honor would such as helping you in your dress selection, deciding even the smallest details and holding your bouquet as you say your vows. The sole difference is that he is not a female.

You should not feel tied to appointing someone to the position due to a sense of obligation as, if someone is closer to you and their being the one standing next to you on your most important day would be more meaningful, that’s exactly what you should do. After all, you never want to look back and wish you’d made a different choice and certainly not one that was solely based on the influence of others.