Calculation versus Valuation

Your engagement ring symbolizes the day you committed to spending your life with your partner. The meaning makes it more important than even your wedding ring.

In 2023, the national average cost of an engagement ring was $6,350. That depends on many factors and isn’t something to base how much your fiancé should spend.

There’s a long-standing tradition of spending two to three months’ salary. While a starting point, there are things to consider.

Available Funds: Compare income to expenses and calculate savings and investments that may be accessible. If expenses are more than assets, see where cutbacks can be made.

Payment Type: Credit cards are easy, but payments will likely carry over into your marriage. That could limit purchases you will want to make as your life officially begins together. Jewelry stores often have programs that allow payment over time without interest upon qualification.

Expectations: This is the ring you’ve dreamed of and want to show off proudly. Express what is most important, so your fiancée knows where to focus. If clarity is number one, a small stone is the best way to go. You may prefer size (with some flaws that usually aren’t visible) or other gemstones. Your preference is a factor as it is ultimately yours.

While your engagement ring will be worn for ages, you never want it to put you (or your fiancée) in debt before your life together begins. After all, many additional costs come with getting married.

A great option is choosing something to build on – a combination of what is affordable and what meets your expectations. Stones can be added, upgraded, or reset with time. The emotional value of your treasure is priceless and far outweighs any dollar amount.

I Should Have Guest It Wasn’t Free

A wedding invitation is akin to a golden ticket. Your choice to include the recipient in this milestone of your life shows their importance. However, most brides, nor guests don’t initially realize these come with a price. Here is a short breakdown of some of the expenses:

Attire: Most buy a new outfit. Everyone wants to look their best and spend on average $155 on something special. If there is a dress code, it likely will be more. Your bridal party also must pay for their ceremony dresses too.

Gifts: Presents are typically given whether one can attend or not. The range is $50 to $100 for a friend and $150+ for those closer or family. The ladies (or gentlemen) who go to your shower and/or bachelorette party usually give additional items.

Travel: Guests from out of town have more expenses due to accommodations, flights etc. Prices of travel have increased exponentially due to the pandemic and space is limited. If the time can be turned into a vacation, many find the costs more budget friendly and easier to save for.

Other: Members of the wedding party usually foot the bill for the bridal shower and bachelorette party.  If you have a cash bar at your reception, tabs can quickly add up. If you choose a child-free wedding, some will have to find babysitters. The list goes on.

Statistics: A 2022 survey showed most people were invited to an average of four weddings a year and spent as much as $3,000 attending each. Nearly two-thirds of guests feel financially stressed. 37% said they couldn’t afford a present or new outfit and one-third had to decline attending because of the costs.

Nothing is impossible with things such as pay-later programs, establishing a wedding guest fund in one’s budget or renting rather than buying. Keep in mind, if some you care about can’t share in your big day, it’s likely nothing personal and they will be there in spirit.

You’re the (Grooms)Man

Brides give gifts of gratitude to their wedding party, but some grooms don’t know to do the same. It may be that brides handle most of the planning or groomsmen don’t have as significant a role in the process as bridesmaids do. There is a reason they were chosen to stand at the altar and deserve a token of appreciation too. Following are a few ideas to consider:

While likely the first (and easiest) option, if your guys are single or have been in other weddings, there’s enough bottle openers, shot glasses and barware on hand.

If everyone has different personalities or interests, a general gift is appropriate. You can choose variations to show thought and effort. The same wallet in different shades with names or initials engraved is a great option. Everyone loves sunglasses. Bamboo ones are stylish, come in many frame and lens colors and a case so you don’t even have to wrap them.

To take things a step further, opt for something meaningful to each person. If one is a foodie, treat him to a gift card at his favorite restaurant or one he may not have tried yet. If another is a coffee aficionado, grab some rare, premium blend he wouldn’t splurge on for himself.

Doing a group activity is a great idea when there is a common thread. If you are fanatics about a particular sport, get tickets and enjoy a game together. It’s a great way to relax and bond. Treat them to a whiskey tasting. Kick your feet up, reminisce, get advice from your married friends and some well wishes.

Quality gifts can be found whether your budget is tight or limitless. Give the guys meaningful and special things as it’s the thought (not the cost) that counts.

I Guest You’d Want to be Included

Your guests enjoy witnessing you and your fiancé commit your lives and futures to one another. Weddings are often reminders of how special one’s own relationship is, and celebrations of love bring joy to all.

However, some ceremonies are lengthy, uninteresting to those who are easily distracted and unrelatable to guests who don’t have religious ties. Incorporating your guests is a great way to keep them engaged and add special meaning and fun. There are many special ways to do so.

Ring Warming: Everyone rubs your rings and gives you blessings to carry with you. You can do this during the ceremony, but it may cause a delay. Instead, put them near the entrance with a note asking for rubs, well wishes and prayers. They can either be written or shared with you privately during the reception. When everyone is seated, your ring bearer gets them to bring up the aisle.

Showing Love: At the beginning of your ceremony, after the guests are welcomed, have your officiant request everyone blow a kiss in your direction. It is a sweet, easy gesture that will instantly make you feel surrounded by love.

Community Vow: Relationships aren’t always easy and knowing you have the support of those closest to you is invaluable. Work with your officiant to create a unique affirmation to which your guests will respond “We do.” It should be done after you exchange your personal vows. An example is “Do each of you promise to support us, offer love, encouragement, guidance and your secrets for happiness?”

Speaking Up: As tradition goes, most weddings include a variation of “Anyone who objects to this wedding should speak now or forever hold their peace.” Why not flip the script and request “Anyone who supports this union speak now.” Guests can provide brief sentiments, anecdotes or milestones in your relationship if they choose. For larger weddings, it is recommended you designate only a few people to contribute for the sake of time.

Sing-along: Select a song you love that your guests are familiar with. Print the lyrics and include them with your program. After you are pronounced husband and wife and are ready to walk down the aisle together, cue the music and get serenaded by everyone in your life you love. It helps to designate someone to act as a conductor to minimize confusion and is fun for all.

Of course your wedding is about the new stage of life you are embarking on with your spouse. However, you wouldn’t have gotten to that place, nor will you be able to grow and thrive without the love and support of those who care about you most. An invitation is wonderful but including them in sentimental ways shows your gratitude and makes for a unique and special experience.

You’re My Favor(ite)

Your guests are honored to be invited to your wedding as much as you are to have them share one of the most important days in your life with you. Each token of your appreciation can be given at the end of your reception or placed in front of your invitees’ seats.

Spread the Love: Rather than giving gifts, choose a charity meaningful to you. Leave “in lieu of cards” at each seat or table to let your guests know you’ve donated on their behalf.

Potted Succulents: Even those who don’t have green thumbs can take care of one and they last forever. Succulents come in endless varieties and can thrive indoors or outside. Add a personalized note saying, “Let Love Flourish” or “Grow Together.”

Share the Luck: Lottery tickets are fun, unexpected and something many people don’t often buy. Add a clever touch by sealing them in “For Richer or Poorer envelopes.” Maybe your special day will bring luck to your guests.

Plantable Wish Cards: These are something your guests probably haven’t seen. Write a wish or leave it blank so everyone can make their own. Then, they just plant, water and watch them grow. Each card contains annual and perennial wildflower seeds.

Measuring Spoons: If you or your guests love to cook, silver heart shaped spoons are an ideal favor. They are accurate in size and can be inscribed with clever messages. Perhaps “A dash of love or “A spoonful of laughter.”

Thoughtful, lasting tokens with meaning serve as reminders of your connection with those close to you for years to come. Additionally, personalization with a unique message about love or well wishes are preferable over inscriptions with your wedding date. All are easy on the budget but will show your gratitude in special ways.

Give it Your Best Shot

camera

Capturing every moment from beginning to end of your special day is of utmost importance and you don’t want any detail to be missed. Some take longer than others. Most don’t impact your guests as they are done during preparation, the ceremony or reception. Of course you want perfect pictures with your family. However, your guests don’t want to wait long while you do so. Minimizing the time can be done very simply.

Shot List: Give the names of those you will include to your photographer, so no one is left out during formal poses. It speeds up the process so he or she can be prepared. Also, ask a friend to assist in gathering everyone. It reduces your stress and makes everything more expeditious.

Timing: Strike a pose before the ceremony if you aren’t concerned about seeing your spouse prior to walking down the aisle. Everyone will look their best and most fresh and it adds to your time celebrating. If you’d rather wait until afterwards, consider choosing only a few formal photos. Often, the random shots are more enjoyable as they are candid and surprising.

Expectations: Formal photos are tricky for any occasion and even more so if there are many people. It is difficult to capture everyone focused, smiling and with their clothes and hair just perfect at the same time. Likely, you will find quirks in many of them.  While formality may be important, perfection shouldn’t be expected. Embrace the snafus. They capture personality and add charm.

Typically, the time allotted for formal family photos is between 15 and 30 minutes. It is surprisingly short but very doable if you prepare in advance. Cameras will be clicking from the time you get ready until the time you call it a night. There are countless photos to go through once the day is done. Hence, the number of formal ones doesn’t need to be excessive and can be done quickly with a bit of forethought.

Unique Budget Friendly Bouquets

Flowers are a very noticeable part of a wedding and one of the costliest portions of your budget. Many brides look for small ways to show bits of their personality. Unique bouquets are one way to do so while cutting down on the price.

If you want to stay close to tradition, wear a cuff made of real flowers. You won’t have to worry about holding on to anything and your arm will be adorned by a gorgeous floral bracelet that can even take the place of jewelry.

A great idea you can do on your own (without requiring much craftsmanship) is a felt bouquet. A quick internet search will find you realistic patterns to parse through. They can also be purchased for a minimal cost and make for great keepsakes.

If eco-friendly is important to you, wood may be your perfect match. Aside from appearing real and being sustainable, almost any type of flower can be simulated. Scents can also be applied that add a wonderful aroma to your venue.

With your invitations, include an envelope for each guest to send you a button, broach, pin etc. they want to gift you. With wire, a bouquet holder, floral tape, ribbon, the pieces you were sent and a little patience in placement, a one-of-a-kind bouquet will be the result. FYI, you may want to purchase some fun pieces to fill in empty spots if needed.

Those mentioned are solely a few ways to stand out and have fun while doing so. Any can be DIY projects or purchased for small fees. All will last forever and hold special meaning because it is guaranteed that they won’t be duplicated.

Gifts for the Girls

Everyone at your wedding is important but those standing next to you at the altar hold a special meaning. Aside from being closest, they’ve helped get you to your big day. Alongside saying how thankful you are for their time and assistance, a keepsake is a tangible reminder of their value.

Although it may seem like a task you can leave for the last minute, doing so may make it obvious by limiting your options. You don’t want to settle for something or worse, have your bridesmaids feel as if you did.

While you should stay within the same price range (whatever that may be), don’t give your bridesmaids the same present. Even though it’s easier, they don’t have the same interests or wants. Selecting gifts with special meanings lets them know you took time to show how valuable they are to you. Add a touching message to make them even more personal.

While each contributed to your shower, decision making and preparation, your maid of honor had the most responsibilities. Giving her a pricier or extra special gift is appropriate. Don’t be too extravagant though as that may make the others appear insignificant.

If the presents are ones to be incorporated in your wedding, it’s best to give them while getting ready so they aren’t accidentally left behind. Otherwise, doing so at the rehearsal is great. That way, the girls can take them home without worrying about keeping track of them during the festivities.

Sometimes it seems as if there’s another cost at every turn. With all the love and support your closest friends have given you, this should be an expense you are more than pleased to include in your budget.

The Venue Too?

As with most aspects of your dream day, finding the perfect venue may require more time and thought than anticipated. You should research and brainstorm before you look for many reasons some of which follow:

Style: While spaces of every size and sort exist, perhaps they don’t in your area. If they do, they may not match your style, vision, theme etc. Work around this by finding venues you can easily transform, i.e. blank slates or non-wedding locations similar to what you are looking for.

Availability: Looking early is important because many book up way in advance. Even those that don’t sometimes have your chosen date already taken. If so, you can ask to be put on the waiting list if your date becomes available while continuing to look. However, if you can’t see getting wed anywhere else, extending your engagement is an option.

Size: If a place is too small, invite only close friends and family to your ceremony and include everyone else at the reception. Alternatively, if you have too much room, see if you can use only a portion of the space or get creative by spreading out the seating to minimize the appearance of the size.

Regulations: Locations without any restrictions are rare so consider what you will accept. Churches, for example, likely don’t allow alcohol, have limits on noise levels and closing times. Such are reasonable due to locational and TABC regulations, etc. Other sites require you to use “preferred” vendors, have minimum time requirements and other ways to increase costs you don’t want, need or can afford.

Given the number of possible places, you need a clear vision of what you are looking for to minimize the time and energy spent looking at venues. Among those considerations are budget, capacity, restrictions, style and availability.

Backing Out

Some of the first things when preparing for your big day is to choose your pastor, the wedding party and who will give toasts and speeches. All are very important roles requiring time, energy and forethought both on your part and theirs. Unfortunately, there are occasions when one or more will back out at the last minute leaving you to wonder what to do.

Don’t get upset. Life happens and those who accepted their positions did so out of care for you. While it may throw you for a loop, there is surely a good reason behind his/her decision.

If a member of your wedding party, replacing them is not the best idea. Who you choose will likely feel as if a backup and be hurt. It is perfectly acceptable to have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. However, if it’s your maid of honor or the best man, feel free to ask someone already chosen to change roles.

As far as toasts and speeches go, people put time and effort into saying what they will deliver. There’s no reason to ask someone new. It also puts a lot of pressure on anyone to compose anything meaningful at the last minute.

For piece of mind, you should (at some point in time) inquire why things changed but no wedding is perfect and such questions should be addressed after your ceremony. The best thing is that, at the end of the day, you have married your life partner.