Tag Archives: stress

Minimal Assistants


It goes without saying that, as a bride, you likely have a plan (or at least a clear vision) in place regarding most of your wedding day details. Making your ideas come to life may be challenging for many reasons leaving you wishing for sole responsibility over every component. Unfortunately, that is an impossibility as outside help, whether from friends and family or hired professionals, is required. However, every decision including the amount of assistance you want or need and from whom it comes is yours to make.

Remember that the period leading up to your special day is not just exciting for you but for those close to you as well. Many will offer their time, advice and skills to ease your burden and lower your stress level. While usually successful, occasionally their good intentions lead to uncomfortable situations and hurt feelings.

One objective of your wedding is for your guests to enjoy themselves which includes being able to take in everything going on around them. If someone offers to provide their services on the day of for something other than what you want, kindly pointing out some of the special things they would miss is a great way to decline the offer while avoiding being offensive.

Unsolicited offers will not just come for your ceremony and reception but may arise throughout the planning process too. Fortunately, those are easier to handle. During this time, you can include the individual(s) in different yet equally meaningful ways making it seem as if you are not being dismissive. For example, if your mom is determined for you to wear her veil and your heart is set on a birdcage, invite her to help you choose just the right one and offer to sew a piece of the veil inside your gown or to use it as a wrap around your bouquet.

All intentions are good when those who love you offer a lending hand as difficult as that may periodically be to keep in mind. However, it is the one day that all attention is on you and your future husband. Therefore, while always doing so kindly and with consideration, you should not feel guilty for ensuring that what you envisioned is exactly what materializes.

S(tress) – O – S

Most brides come to know that wedding planning comes in two phases. There is the elation over the engagement and excitement about choosing a dress, location, decorations, etc.  Then comes the stress and frustration about choosing a dress, location, decorations, etc. What initially seemed fun and easy turns into something overwhelming and thought-consuming when you realize just how many decisions must be made and how many details (many very minute) need to be absolutely perfect. Because your wedding day is one of very few times in life where a do-over is not an option, you probably don’t want the things you look back on and remember from that day to be everything you wished you could have changed. However, as easy as it is to happen, you also don’t want to get so caught up in the planning that you are unable to enjoy your engagement nor do you want to make yourself and those around you miserable. After all, what matters most is the symbolism of your wedding and the promises you and your fiance make to one another – it is not whether you chose the wrong type of flowers or left someone off the guest list. Here are a few ideas for ways to keep your stress at a minimum (hopefully) and even add some fun to the whole process.

Understand that something will go wrong. Maybe the flowers you wanted are a shade off of what you anticipated and don’t perfectly match the image in your mind. Perhaps the weatherman missed the mark and warm and sunny is actually cold and windy. It is important to accept that, especially with an event involving hundreds of decisions and factors, it would be virtually impossible for every single thing to be or go exactly as planned. Instead of wearing yourself out by putting an overload of energy into every single detail, focus primarily on the ones that are most meaningful and important to you. For example, it is not necessary to make 15 trips to the napkin ring store to make sure the size and shade of your choice is just perfect or to yell and scream at the employees when it is not. After all, many of your choices are ones that only you will notice if they are not exactly as you had envisioned them to be.

Because brides want to have their hand in every aspect of their wedding, a great way to relieve some stress is by giving up some control and allowing others to make some of the decisions – notice the key word is “make” and not have input in reference to. Not only would this ease your burden, it would be fun, make the day even more special and potentially add an element of surprise. While this certainly does not mean allowing someone to choose your gown or create your guest list, imagine how you would feel walking into your venue and seeing the flowers your mom picked or hearing the song your dad chose for the first dance. Letting the people who are important to you choose some of the elements is a display of your love and trust for them, as well as their value to you. If you are really bold (and trusting), you could even let those decisions be unknown to you until your wedding day so that you are seeing them for the first time exactly when the guests do.

Show your bridesmaids what color scheme you have chosen, let them each select their own dress and cross another responsibility off your list. It can be stressful finding a style that flatters every figure and can be made to fit everyone just perfectly. Allowing your wedding party to pick their own gowns gives them a chance to showcase their individual personalities as well as to feel special and included. If you want to make it even more fun, have them keep their selections a secret until the ceremony. After all, the members of your wedding party are those who are closest to you and will make certain you are pleased with what they choose.

At first, giving up the decision-making probably seems either impossible or ridiculous. After all, it’s YOUR day and you have to make sure everything is exactly as you want it. Think, however, of how happy you are with your engagement ring and how perfect and meaningful it is to you. Perhaps if you had bought it for yourself, you would have chosen something different, but the thought and effort behind the selection coupled with it coming from someone so important to you makes it ideal. In addition, your wedding gown will be a secret from your future husband until you walk down the aisle. Maybe he envisioned you in a mermaid-style dress and you opted for a ball gown. When he sees you, undoubtedly, he won’t be able to imagine you wearing anything else though. Not only does relinquishing some control diminish the number of things you need to do, it enhances the meaning of your special day because of the care and consideration of those who mean the most to you.

K.I.S.S.

When couples get married, it is very easy to get caught up in the small details and find yourself losing sight of the bigger picture. It is typical that most brides feel overwhelmed by the number of choices for everything from dresses to cakes and venues and change their minds on a weekly basis. Here are some pointers on how to stay grounded and ensure that you have a wedding that you will look back on and remember as the one you always dreamed of.

Remember the saying “a picture is worth a thousand words.” Your wedding day will be captured in countless photos and you don’t want to look back on them and regret the decisions you made. It’s easy to choose something because it is in style now, is trendy or seems like the right thing to do. However, think about what you like and stick to it. Do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. After all, it is YOUR day.

Don’t style your wedding after someone else’s. It isn’t a competition, but instead, a very personal experience. A lot of brides attend the weddings of their friends and then feel obligated (often subconsciously) to outdo one another. Everyone has a different budget, unique tastes and each experience should be different, personal and reflective of the relationship of the couple.

It is always nice to listen to what other people have to say in reference to your dress, the food, cake, etc. Maybe you love chocolate but everyone in your family is allergic so you consider getting a vanilla cake (which you hate). Taking advice from friends, family, bridal magazines, etc. is not a bad idea but going with your instincts will guarantee that you will achieve the results you want and won’t have any regrets.

This is your day and it is meant to be for you and your future husband. At the end of the day, you will be starting your new life together and that is all that matters. Everything else is irrelevant.

When Less is Best

Now you’re engaged and really excited but you had no idea that wedding planning could be so stressful. There are so many details that go into your big day that you had never even considered and sometimes it seems completely overwhelming because you want everything to be absolutely perfect. It’s important to remember that most people won’t even notice most things that you might and taking care of yourself is a priority. At the end of the day, you will be married to the person you love and that’s the most important thing.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. No one will remember the details but you. All your guests will recall is how beautiful you looked and how happy you were so if the bridesmaids’ dresses turn out a different shade of lavender than you had imagined or the flowers you initially had your heart set on are out of season and unavailable, just take some deep breaths and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed.

Delegate responsibilities to anyone and everyone who is willing to lend a helping hand. Whether hiring a wedding coordinator or assigning various tasks to family and friends to handle, take advantage of every opportunity to lessen your workload because weddings require many more decisions and much more planning and coordination than most brides initially realize.

Take time for yourself. Spend a day at the spa or take a relaxing bath in the evening. Call up some girlfriends and meet them for lunch or find a great book to read. Whatever you choose, doing things to unwind and to take your mind off of the wedding for a little while will make a world of difference in your mood and your stress level.

Don’t have unrealistic expectations and don’t focus on what you can’t have. Most couples don’t have million dollar budgets and compromises and concessions have to be made. Plan ahead and prioritize what is most important to you so that you can spend your money accordingly and stick to your budget. That way, you can minimize pre-wedding stress and eliminate post-wedding stress of debt from overspending on your big day.