Tag Archives: wedding etiquette

Polite Guestures

Expectations are placed upon everyone both consciously and subconsciously in everyday life and the closer those individuals are to you, their significance increases and the more disappointing it is when they are not met. Under many circumstances, such expectancies are unwarranted but there are occasions when they are absolutely reasonable. One of those times is your special day and no one should be either angered by or less than accepting of your requests.

You don’t typically invite people to your wedding unless they mean something and/or are close to you. Each guest is chosen thoughtfully and for a particular reason especially if you’re getting married in a small venue but even if you’ve chosen a larger one as the numbers go up the costs do too.

While most people don’t immediately respond or even give much thought to what they get in the mail, it is appropriate for guests to RSVP promptly to your invitation as the attendees are a large factor in the size of venue required, number of favors to be purchased, amount of food necessary etc. Even if you do quickly receive an RSVP, conflicts sometimes may arise but it is only polite to be given notice if something comes up rather than simply not take part in the festivities. On your part, no offense should be taken on if it turns out that someone cannot attend despite the fact that your guests are chosen wisely and hold special meaning to you.

Aside from the obvious inclusion of your ceremony time on your invitations, it is always a good idea to add (in the fine print) a separate expected arrival time for your invitees. Unlike dates or family gatherings, tardiness to your wedding is both disrespectful and distracting as it takes the focus off your vows and the permanent merging of your life with that of your fiancé.

Consider suggesting appropriate attire (no matter how formal or relaxed your ceremony may be) as it is YOUR day and the focus should be on YOU. Unless you specifically request so, it is not appropriate for women to wear white for example. Additionally, perhaps someone just purchased a new and beautiful gown they’ve been waiting to wear and opt for your wedding as the place to do so. That is completely inappropriate so you need to kindly insinuate the motif of your affair so as to insure you are not outshined.

Let it be known that the only one taking photos of the ceremony is the photographer. If attendees want copies of their favorite moments, they can get them at a later time. If guests are taking shots during your ceremony at random times, flashes will be going off from every angle and not only distract and you and the officiant but also interfere with the professional pictures.

It goes without saying that one of the most important days in your life is one to be shared with those who are closest and most important. Being that they are just that, all should understand and even appreciate how important each (even the smallest) details are to you. You should not feel any sense of guilt, embarrassment or regret for assuming adherence to those things which will help make your day play out as flawlessly as you dream of.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Your wedding is an occasion on which you share some of the most intimate moments of your life with those who are near and dear to you. Of course, there will be people in attendance who you don’t know such as the “plus ones” and some of those meaningful to your fiancé that you are not familiar with. Sharing one of your most important events is equally as meaningful to your friends and family as it is to you. However, there are some aspects that should be kept private and need not be addressed if they make you uncomfortable and/or should they arise.

Anything in reference to costs and pricing is off-limits and that should go without saying. Perhaps you will feel comfortable telling someone how much one particular thing ran such as your photographer or the veil for example (especially if the inquisitive one is someone who is preparing for a wedding of their own). However, you should never feel obligated to disclose anything in reference to money, who paid for what or anything of the like.

Inquisitions in reference to how you choose who to or not to invite are something else that you should never have to respond to. Perhaps it has something to do with your budget, might be related to how intimate you want your ceremony to be or maybe there is an unsaid conflict between two people who you are trying to avoid awkwardness between and keep from putting a damper on your day.

Your wedding is your own and something else that is not kosher is being asked whether your ideas in terms of planning and execution are yours alone or whether you “borrowed” them from someone else. Inspiration comes from countless places including magazines, photos, shopping and even weddings you’ve attended. You need not justify the reasoning behind any of your choices or decisions nor disclose where they came from.

The bridal party shouldn’t request another style or color of dress despite the fact that they are responsible for their own cost. You should definitely give some consideration to body shapes and sizes and perhaps choose different styles of the same dress (in the same shade of course). However, if someone would prefer something different, they most likely either had that at their own wedding or will when their special day arrives.

Every bride is different and if you choose to answer a question, go on and do so. However, you should never feel obligated to disclose any information that makes you uncomfortable or that you feel to be inappropriate. Your guests (and certainly your bridal party) should relish the moment and appreciate the fact they were invited to partake in your day. The details and decisions are not anyone’s business but yours and never need to be justified.